I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
