Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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