I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
