he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
