I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the condom got lost in my hair
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Houston, we have a blender
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
