I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
