there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Panties = found
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
