nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It was confusing and full of hummus
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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