Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
