She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize