oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
