btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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