Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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