Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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