we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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