there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
