I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
