someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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