I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
