I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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