Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
