The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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