i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am mentally ready for anal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
