I hate all girls vehemently.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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