Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize