...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
