u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Your penis caused this!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize