guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
