if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
