i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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