I faked an abortion last night.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
