evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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