So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize