If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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