dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
