You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
