i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
