I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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