your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
