I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
