I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
