i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
