i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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