distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
