I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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