no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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