Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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