Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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