so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
