I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
