well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
