I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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