fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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