So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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