"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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