My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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