drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
