I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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