thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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