When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize