It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
