he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
