I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
