I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
