My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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