So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
