Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
