You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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