Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize