Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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