He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize