My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize