I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
