I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
