Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
